“Guys, guys, guys! I have a great idea” Aaron proclaimed to his four brothers in excitement.
“You never have good ideas” Nate said to Aaron, “What could this one be?”.
“No I swear, this idea is going to be great”, Aaron continued with a grimace toward Nate. “Lets place a bet with Karl. He already has us on the outside right now, and if we win the bets we could get back on the inside and win it all back from him. We could take everything back from him” Aaron proclaimed to his brothers. He was really excited about getting back on the inside of the kingdom and getting rid of Karl.
“Okay, I think this might actually be your best idea ever Aaron” Bradley said, “We might actually be able to pull this one off”.
“Whats the plan then? Are we going to just waltz on in and demand to play some dice with the one guy who just tried to kill us all” questioned Sam. Sam wasn't too into this idea of just walking into Karl’s evil layer, otherwise known as his palace. They eventually all agreed to the idea and started their journey to the temple. It was a few days journey back to the temple, and the five brothers were merrily walking their way back. Once they made it to the kingdom walls they heard the horns blowing and the gate began to open. The general of the army stepped out to greet them.
“What do ya want” the general questioned in a high pitched voice.
“We are here to play some dice with Karl” Aaron yelled triumphantly to the general.
“Okay, come in” the general said without fighting back to the brothers and he walked them to the temple. the brothers were thinking that this was too easy to get in to Karl but they didn't mind cause they were about to win their kingdom back. Karl stepped forward to the brothers and looked them over and laughed.
“So you want to play some dice” Karl questioned the brothers standing in front of them.
“Yes, that is why we are here Karl” Aaron said, “Lets get to it, dice equal seven you win, if they equal nine, we win”.
“What is your bet” asked Karl.
“200 gold pieces” said Aaron.
Karl rolled the dice, they landed on seven, so the brothers handed over 200 gold pieces. “Don’t worry guys, I am just playing him” Aaron whispered to his brothers. “We bet the rest of our gold pieces” he exclaimed loudly.
Karl rolled and again it landed on seven. They handed over the rest of their gold. “What do you bet next” asked Karl.
“All of our weapons” said Aaron. Karl rolled the dice again and won again. Frustratingly they handed over all their weapons, with a grimace toward Aaron. One by one the brothers began to leave thinking they were defeated and couldn't loose anymore. Once all but Aaron was gone, Aaron put forth a new wager, “I bet the lives of myself and all my brothers to be committed to you as your salves”. Thinking that he hustled him enough, he took the dice to roll this time, and too his surprise, he lost. Karl laughed loudly and exclaimed to the kingdom that he had five new slaves. “Go tell your brothers now” he shooed Aaron out the door.
Aaron found his brothers and said in a whimpering voice, “Hey guys, so I have some news… I, uh, I placed another bet and lost…”.
“What else did we have” questioned Bradley.
“Well, we are now Karl’s slaves” Aaron answered as he stepped backwards away from his brothers.
“YOU DID WHAT” Bradley screamed.
The Game of Dice
Authors Note:
So for this story I decided to change the names of all the characters because I was having a hard time keeping track of all of them to begin with. And I also wanted to see make a story a little funnier, so I hope that it was for you. The story is kinda humorous to me, so I wanted to make my story humorous as well.
The Mahabharata
I liked this version a lot better than the original for a few reasons. First, no ladies were involved, the brothers were all "into" a game of dice in some aspect, whether or not they intended on how much betting would happen. Second, the brothers decided to go back to bet for the kingdom instead of being coaxed into it like in the original story. I especially liked the ending scene where you described Aaron stepping backwards away from them as he relayed the bad news. A very accurate picture to paint. I did notice one tricked out word that got you though. When describing the Karl's evil "layer", should be "lair" other than that, it was an entertaining story!
ReplyDeleteTaylor, you wrote a nice story that was entertaining. The only thing I would suggest is having more white space. At times it was hard to figure out what line to go to next because all the text was clumped together with no lines in between. For me the thing I liked best about the story was all the dialog. It's like a little clip being played in your head. I agree with your author's note, the story is a lot easier to comprehend with names that are more common.
ReplyDeleteTyler, another great job. You did a great job of describing the gambler's high. I had a feeling that it was getting worse and worse as they continued to bet more and more of thier fortune. I got a great kick out of the way you describe his bringing the bad news to the others. Ah guys, um, we are slaves now. That would be a tough conversation to have.
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